


Calliope's Update Girl - Musings from the Tumblr Blog

by CreativityTheEmotion, MarrissaTheWriter (CreativityTheEmotion)



Series: Calliope's Update Girl [7]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2020-05-12 07:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19224247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativityTheEmotion/pseuds/CreativityTheEmotion, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativityTheEmotion/pseuds/MarrissaTheWriter
Summary: Rose Lalonde liveblogs about her experience of...sighreading Homestuck, because Hussie forced her to. That, and I go full Kankri mode when discussing certain aspects of the series.





	1. About Us

**Author's Note:**

> Had to delete my Tumblr for personal reasons, but decided to rescue all of the writing from the in-universe blog - including all the out-of-universe stuff. 2019 06 15

So far, the “we” is kind of sketchy right now, but you can expect some or all of these people to make an appearance:

  *      Rose Lalonde, 21, Sociology student; usually puts her words as eloquently as possible and acts as the bonding body for the entire group
  *      Jade Harley, 21, coming from a distant island; while she doesn’t quite know how to act around people, she has the enthusiasm that we all admire
  *      Calliope, 21, alien with a heart of gold; she will be able to draw art for us and we hope to treat her well, as she’s possibly been the most shocked about Homestuck of us all



We are still getting an agreement with these people, but I am sure that we will get along:

  *      John Egbert, 21, aspiring programmer; will probably not shut up about his movies, but perhaps he can help us in identifying the tropes
  *      Dave Strider, 21, resident coolkid; I am not sure if he will even join the group or watch from the sidelines, but he is worth mentioning



And we would really rather these people did  _not_  make an appearance, but they will probably also become relevant to our adventures:

  *      Caliborn “English”, 21, Calliope’s “brother”; his attitude towards Homestuck has been rather unassuming, and I am uncertain as to whether he can contribute anything to the group
  *      Andrew Hussie, 37, our fairy god human creator; while I understand his motives, he seems to be rather protective of his characters and we do not want him to be involved



Currently, we all reside in Easthampton, Massachusetts, a place that is also sometimes known as “Area Code 413, Massachusetts”, as it reminds us of some of our birthdays. Hussie introduced us all to Homestuck on April 13th, 2017, and by now we have read the entire first act of the Internet comic. We hope to learn valuable lessons from the comic and that it will help us get on with our lives in the way its fans did not.


	2. IC Introduction

**I presume that we need an introductory post.**

If you are reading this, chances are you already know what this is about. In that case, an introduction would be unnecessary. However, since this is a public environment, we also might get so-called “hits” from complete strangers who might need an idea on “just what the hell is this thing, anyway?” and an introductory post is beneficial from this point of view. All of my current friends are free to skip this; I will message each of them personally, and I hope that they will contribute to my efforts.

Allow me to introduce myself first. I am Rose Lalonde. I am currently 21 years old, studying Sociology and two days ago, I found out that I am also a fictional character from an Internet comic called Homestuck. The majority of posts on this “blog” will be written by me, as we have agreed that I am the person who can put all of our thoughts in one place. However, you can also expect some of my friends to make an appearance. I will introduce them as I tell my story to the fullest extent, just so I know I have not missed a single detail.

Since 2008, I have been keeping contact with my three dearest friends. Their names are John Egbert, Jade Harley and Dave Strider. How we met is slightly embarrassing, and I am not sure if I should recount everything, but suffice to say, our friendship has gotten particularly strong, and as it turned out, our families were saving money for a big move.

We were originally scattered across the Western Hemisphere. I, myself, lived in upstate New York, Dave lived in Texas, John lived in the state of Washington and Jade lived in an island in the Pacific Ocean. However, this month we were able to abandon our old habitations and come live together in Easthampton, Massachusetts.

Originally, the move appeared to be beneficial in every way. We would be able to spend time together, in person, and get to know more about each other, and nothing could go wrong. Well, except for a little detail: every now and then, we were harassed by random people, and even in our new neighborhood, we were immediately recognized by complete strangers.

Or so it seemed.

Soon enough, a local, Andrew Hussie, invited us all in, along with two aliens, Calliope and Caliborn. They also seemed like a random occurrence in the town, but it turned out that there were connections even to these two, as they were studied by my mother, when I was very young. I did not immediately recognize them, but when the revelation dawned upon me, I was thoroughly shocked.

Hussie, on the other hand, brought something that connected us in an even stranger way. It was an Internet comic that he wrote, called Homestuck, and as it turned out, we were all depicted in it as characters. He also commented that this explained the strange occurrences that we had: those “random people” were actually fans of Homestuck, who were willing to pretend that they are us, and made profiles to this regard.

Hussie was also insistent on wanting us to actually read Homestuck and experience it for themselves. Throughout two days, we [myself, John and Caliborn] have read the entire first act of the comic, and by the looks of it, some plot has already started. I originally meant to catalog this experience in a guide to the comic, but then realized that rivaling guides have progressed much further, and therefore my conclusions would be irrelevant in the greater scale.

I did, however, notice another problem. After reading Homestuck, my friends [including Calliope and Caliborn] have been in this sort of unstable mental state. Some of them [I will have a separate post about how each of us perceives the comic] actively despise Hussie and his work, and think it would be better if he did not exist. On the other hand, I respect his contribution to the phenomenon, and understand the need for everyone to bond together into a provisional support group.

For a while, we have been discussing this idea, which we code-named “the Homestuck Character Support Group”, and decided that the safest place for it to exist is not a physical location, but rather this website, with the reasoning that a physical location could be discovered by either Hussie himself or rabid Homestuck fans. Given this motion of “thinking outside the box”, we also considered simply continuing to use our Pesterchum memo, but it appears that this option is no longer viable, as other people are already using it for their own needs, which are seemingly to enjoy a Homestuck fan story named “Calliope on the Update Gravestone”.

Therefore, we [myself, Jade and Calliope as of the present moment] have decided to found this blog. Everyone from the group will be invited to post comments on Homestuck and our well-being, as part of the support group originally envisioned. In addition, various strangers will also be welcome to drop messages, as long as they are supportive and not trying to impersonate anyone from the comic. While I have no idea if this rule will be adhered to, I can take a shot in the dark and see if it works. Please, don’t let us down.

With that in the mind, feel free to drop messages. Note that those who could potentially be members of the support group will be able to communicate with me by other means, and should refrain from posting here, and to reiterate, no one posting on this blog should impersonate anyone else.

We will be waiting on the other side.

Rose Lalonde

April 15th, 2017


	3. IC Chronicle

**Ramblings from last night (2015 04 13)**

Since this is an avenue for discussing Homestuck, I figured that I’d put my thoughts here.

 _Night from April 14 to 15, 2017_  (don’t ask)

_As of this moment, I have already read the entire first “act” of Homestuck. The style hasn’t changed considerably from the first few pages, and my thoughts have been contradictory, given two different premises on the length of the Internet comic: seven acts and thousands of pages. If I were to guess right now, I don’t expect any more sharp U-turns that the plot or the art style could make. However, each new improvement, like a new color in an otherwise black-on-white environment or a “pesterlog” or a “Flash page”, takes everyone by surprise, and I imagine that those thousands of pages could deliver what is expected from them.  
_

_While I have already seen myself in the comic, Dave or Jade haven’t made an appearance yet, to say nothing of Calliope, Caliborn or the highly touted “trolls”. Did you actually know that there are trolls (as Homestuck defines them; to speak nothing of the mythological trolls or the species of trolls common to the Internet) in this world? A troll named Karkat Vantas visited us during our read. He seems to be a big shouter, much like Caliborn, but_

(This is how far I got before I decided to shut down the computer and go to sleep. I suppose that there are no positive qualities about Karkat, but I could be wrong.)

* * *

**(2015 04 15)**

[How come this person has never drawn a comic about us moving in?](https://web.archive.org/web/20101011025757/http://overcompensating.com/posts/20101001.html)  


* * *

**There might be some problems with the design of this blog. (2015 04 17)**

The main problem that I have is that while in theory the site is supposed to be a neutral environment in which all of our personalities should be able to blossom, in practice I am writing this from my own laptop, and I am rather protective of my own property.

I will see if I can hand it over to Jade or Calliope. However, don’t be surprised if this ends up being the last of me.  


* * *

**hey everyone its me jade!!! (2015 04 18)**

rose let me use her laptop but im afraid that i might break anything so shes watching and im kinda scared to write anything wrong here so ill try to not mess it up

basically ive read homestuck to about 90 pages and the comic seems okay! it has its own dark humor but i also see that it has its friendship moments

_I’m going to interrupt this briefly. You suggest that you have only read “about 90 pages”, rather than to the end of Act 1?  
_

_And so has Calliope?_

_This calls for an immediate catching up with our perspective._

_We may be blogging about our experience.  
_

* * *

**(page 150)**

Calliope says that she recognizes some of the patterns on these devices. I am not sure how this is possible.

* * *

**(page 195)**

Does a meteor fall in 4/13 every time, or is this just a misinterpretation for the sake of the story?

_“i think its to create tension” - Jade_

The only thing that creates tension around here is Hussie and his escapades. Sburb could not match the evil of Hussie by a long shot.

* * *

**(page 248)**

And like that, Act 1 is done with these people as well. I only have one question: What is the light blue beacon on top of one of the buildings?

* * *

**(2015 05 09)**

Karkat reports that he just created a workaround for the Pesterchum memo debacle by simply naming his memo “ _Hivebent_ Character Support Group”.

Karkat, you cheeky bastard.

(I’ll write a post introducing the trolls soon enough.)  


* * *

**(2015 05 19)**

_And_ Karkat won’t listen to me, since he is convinced that this matter should be sorted out by the trolls and the trolls only.

Hang on while I message him.  


* * *

**I'm sick of getting spoiled. (2015 05 25)**

I was trying to enjoy Homestuck as I would enjoy any other piece of literature, but seemingly both the fandom and other Homestuck characters (and especially Andrew Hussie) are just insistent on trying to talk to me as if I already know the story beforehand.  


* * *

**So, no one's going to tell me... (2015 05 30)**

that the [first page featuring my supposed walkthrough](http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=002149) is _directly after_ the last page that I read?

_Ha HA Very FUNNY Let’s Just ASSUME That ROSE Knows This SHIT Already And WORK With THAT._

But no, all it’s about is arrow candies and invincible demons and how my consciousness has fused with that of my cat.  


* * *

**_Ask:_ Hi, Rosey! Remember me, unstopableSmiley? Or just CUS if you dont mind. :) Since you give the link to this to us, I really want to check it out and it was awesome! XD I dunno how to say this, this is a good place to sorting out info you got from people about Homestuck. Do we upset you somehow? Sorry if we are. U_U But I swear to freaking God we will help you in anyway you want! Just ask away, okay? ^u^ #IC (2015 07 02)**

Dear unstopableSmiley,

Don’t blame everything on yourself. After all, I’ve already concluded that Andrew Hussie is the root of our problems, including the problem that Homestuck fans exist in the first place. The fact that you and friends had already taken the memo name that we wanted to use is really just a side-effect of a side-effect. [If worshiping Hussie has become a religion to you, I immediately apologize.]

That being said, it is nice that my nonexistent blogging skills are actually taking me somewhere. Perhaps I could make the whole blog better by allowing others to post, but for now, I have to work with what I know about the Internet and how it could affect the experience. If you are willing to assist me at crucial moments, you are more than welcome to join us as a permanent member, even if you are not a Homestuck character.

Thanks for your input once again,

Rose Lalonde  


* * *

**(2015 08 30)**

[http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/CalliopeOnTheUpdateGravestone](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/CalliopesUpdateGirl)

“[Ascended Extra](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AscendedExtra) \- Before _The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2)_ , Calliope was the most likely candidate for the main character.”

Pfft… _what._  


* * *

**I almost forgot I had another page of ramblings written before the one I posted. (2016 04 05)**

For posterity:

_April 14, 2017_

_For the past two years, I would usually write because it was a college assignment. The lives of various people with varying realness attributes were laid before me, and I had to make sense of what precisely is wrong with them and how I could reintegrate them into society. This was sufficient for me to get the best marks that I could, and eventually move on from the first and second grades of college._

_However, during the summer of 2016, once the burden of college was raised from my shoulders and I had every opportunity to return to creative writing, I found that I just couldn’t. The rules that governed my assignments passed onto my creative writing, and shred all of my hopes to tiny little pieces._

_What I didn’t know in retrospect, though, was how this problem was made irrelevant in the greater scale._

_What I learned yesterday, on the 21st birthday of one of my friends, was that I was actually a fictional character myself, governed by the rules of the fictional world that I was placed in, without consent._

_So far, I have only collected few details on the aforementioned rules. These are as follows: Andrew Hussie, the man responsible for the existence of me and my friends, threw together a bare-bones scene with a single character, whose identity coincides with that of my birthday friend. He allowed that character to be developed via suggestions from his peers and/or subordinates, allowing them to suggest a name for the character, as well as actions for the character. I imagine that, once he moved on from John, he would develop each of the four of us and our families, as well as the two cherubim, an indeterminate amount of trolls and any other characters required for his image of the story._

_Then, once he had his characters, he could feel free to write a story about them, since by then Homestuck proved to be popular and people were already speculating on what could happen in the story, and Hussie was simply cherry-picking what he liked. After all, even if the majority of the setting was determined via the readers, the format was still his intellectual property and he was free to use discussion of his own work._

_Since this format allows the readers, who now also perform the role of the writers, to have anything they desire, it thus leaves nothing to be desired, and the general public could very potentially marginalize me and my friends. While the adventure was still solely about John, he was suggested things like “retrieve arms from drawer” and “squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk”, suggesting that Hussie’s readerbase hadn’t grown and attained a level of self-consciousness._

_The experience, I must say, was eye-opening. Perhaps I could imitate the style myself. I could create a fictional universe, one “update” at a time, from a single idea and the consistent input of my friends. This would allow projection from my college student self to be minimized, and once the universe grew large enough, I would be able to spread my metaphorical wings and become an acknowledged writer._

_But perhaps I am jumping to conclusions too quickly. Until then, I must_

And then I stopped again. It is peculiar how I never write a conclusion for any of these ramblings.  


* * *

**Um. Well. (2017 10 25)**

In the heat of everything I’ve experienced so far today, I’ve practically forgotten about this blog entirely. Re-reading what has been posted here so far now, I keep promising pages (a detailed recount of the trolls’ personalities is just a unitary example) that I simply don’t have the sufficient knowledge to produce, and probably won’t have it until months have passed and I have actually familiarized myself with the characters, as well as Homestuck itself (turns out, acts aren’t neat, equally sized subdivisions with each of which I can familiarize in a single day, while interacting with personalities that possibly only have a tangential relation to the characters of the acts).

Therefore, and regarding the stipulation I placed onto the other members of the Homestuck Character Support Group to not interact with this blog unless they are contributing to it by writing articles, I think it would be for the best if I abandoned this blog temporarily. Once I have much more knowledge about Homestuck and everything surrounding it than I currently have, I will return to it; however, this may not be for a long time. Of course, “a long time” is subjective, especially on the Internet, where everything happens at a breakneck speed (the last two days have felt like years for me), but if I were to place a definite time frame, expect this hiatus to last from weeks to months.

The “ask” box of this blog will remain open, though. Any observations made by anyone, especially if they are involved with Homestuck in some way, are welcome; however, as I will not be attending to this blog, I will only look at them once I have returned.

I will be waiting on the other side.

Rose Lalonde

April 15th, 2017


	4. OOC Introduction

‘Sup, everyone, this is ASBusinessMagnet and you might know me as the author of the Homestuck fic that doubles as a commentary on Homestuck itself, Calliope’s Update Girl. Recently, I’ve finished the first installment (”Calliope’s Update Girl - Book One”) ([FF.Net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10726027/1/Calliope-s-Update-Girl-Book-One), [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382974/chapters/5264753)), and I’ve been discussing with my friends/fans/friend-inserts (it’s complicated) on where to take the story next. While the whole “read Homestuck page by page” premise seemed to be interesting at first, just having completed Act 1, I can already see that it’s much more tedious than entertaining. To put it short, I feel that after 100K words, I’ve already said everything I wanted to say about Homestuck and in the matters of character interaction, and I just want to worldbuild instead and get the most out of the universe.

When I discussed, I mentioned liveblogs, which are pretty much in the same situation as me. Of course, liveblogs have the (dis)advantage of not having actually read Homestuck (also, a PSA: this will probably be extremely spoilery for any actual livebloggers, and I would rather you didn’t check this blog out), and I have to make up for it by faking the emotions that my characters feel. In addition, I am also dealing with very different personages like (for example) Rose and Caliborn.

What I didn’t expect, though, was MeAndMyReflection suggesting that I actually set up a liveblog (most likely due to a misunderstanding, seeing as neither of us is a native English speaker). At first, I was going to explain the misunderstanding, but further down the road I realized that this is actually going to be a cool idea, as characters don’t strictly have to stay on track with the read of Homestuck and can throw in anything they want in-between. And not to mention, they are actually, once and for all, free from Hussie. (except not really)

In summary, this is what is going to happen:

  *      This blog is going to be a main repository of Calliope’s Update Girl-related _content_
  *      The _fanfic_ part of the universe will be continued, but only as chapters of the side-story The Homestuck Character Support Group ([FF.Net](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10862873/1/The-Homestuck-Character-Support-Group), [AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2703128/chapters/6049556)); there will _not_ be a Calliope’s Update Girl - Book Two, despite the fact that it sounds contradictory
  *      This blog will feature OOC content alongside IC content; I have set up tags so you can only experience one or the other (or both)
  *      I will still try and compile a Calliope’s Update Girl - Book One e-book, but I cannot promise any deadline; it’ll be done when it’s done



Oh, and one last thing: if you’re dropping an ask, _please_ specify whether it’s IC or OOC, so I know how to respond and can tag it appropriately.

Stay tuned, everyone.

ASBusinessMagnet

2015 04 13


	5. In case anyone asks if Calliope's Update Girl will ever have a new chapter

I’m just going to point them to this.

* * *

_Pre-scriptum addendum: Due to mandatory scheduled maintenance, the appropriate chapter for this fanfic sequence is currently unavailable. It has been replaced with a live-fire course designed for literary critics. The management of Calliope’s Update Girl apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck._

* * *

AN HALLO THEAR its me MarrrissaTheWriter an GUESS WHAT theres a new fanfik by alternote me called [HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2750948/chapters/6166934) so I jus wantid to let u kno. Noa sins I kinna have to writing a chapper here sins its agenst the rules I thot bout it reely long an am proad to presentation

**CANTALOUPES UPDOTE GURL**

CHAPTER NINTENDO: THE ARRIVAL FO MARRISSA VILOET BAUDELGARDE ROBERTS

The necks day Cantaloupe tee CHERUB TROLL (AN THERE LICK FALMER TROLLZ BU EVEN SORES) woak up in de hir house wear she was livin wif California bu NOT *IN* CALIFORNIA THERE STATE IS STILL COLLED MASSACRE CHUTES O WHATEVAS. Las two days were rellay bad fo her sins bad stuff happend an dat bad stuff wos ANDREW HUSSEY showen her a thin colled Homè Stučk an she wos relay depression an coldnt work on her commishuns.

Thearfor she want on a Pestderchumz memo an wondeared hoo was ther.

– uranianUmbrae [UU] came on memo Homostuck Charcater Sopport Groop [HSCG] –

– rosalondLettuce [RL] cane on memo Homostuk CHarater SOpport Gropp [HSCG] –

UU: hey! yoUr not a homosUck character!  
RL: Shut up.  
RL: Andrea Hussiey has a soprise for u, so ud better go.

– rosolandLettuce [RK[ came da f*** outta memo Homostick Chareter Soppert Grope [CGHS] –

There wos no wei I was trusten dis stuped gurl that issent from Homostuck bu the nsomeone koncked at the doore it wos…. ANDREW!! “I read ur exchange w/ Rosalond an ur DEFENETLY common w/ me to da reed of HOMOSUCK ACT TWO!” He took me by da hand lick a molestraper to his hose wear there was Johnen Eggert-Vasquez n Raws Lolonde an Dove Stillar an Jared Halley an even California had somegow mad it in sins I dident here locks sins theres an babsurd numbuh of locks in ma hose.

So we readyied to reed Homostuck Act Tow bu then sommon else came. It wasent a Homestock cahracter or Rosalond Lettuce bu it wos somethin else. I reed Mary Sue fanfiks so I immedietly new hoo she wos… MARRISSA ROBERTS fro ITS MY LIFE!! Bu she was on disguse as VIOLET BAUDELGARDE sins thass wha happened in Post SCrahs Sesson 3 Spectaters odda Host an also shee had a decendant called Janet Roberts whoo wos her kool sidekikc.

She imedeatly greetid us lick “wassup guys” an I was lick Imma nodaa guy bu dere wos California so mabe shee wos adressin da stuff to him. Andrea Hussey was lick “da f*** are u doin” bu he was soon capured by Marrissas Mary Sueness so he celmed down. Calfornia tho dident calm down an shotted stuff lick “GET ooT. THIS DONT CONSERN u!” bu I wondet to here more fro ma ideol.

Dove Stiller wosent sayin anythin sins he wos too kool an Johnen said “imma not a honosexuel” so dat everone new Dove wasent hittin on him bi no reakshun. De gurls also ket quiet so that they cold see evants transpire. Marrissa meened cause been Violet has reley changed her an shee wos getten the Homosuck chareters to speek.

Janet tho rekunized Jhonen as her grampa an shook his hend for no apperent reszon. Dis cosed John to wondear wear thins got wrog an Dove onse agen thot that mabe there wos some homoing or mabe transing goin on. I tho was only heer for Marrissa an we got oot of da seen w/ her speshul powers.

Sins we wear ovtsdie an derefore cold do a lotta stuff we deceded to meet all da kool cartonists in town lick Jeffery Roland fro Overkompensaten an Wigoo. Jeffery also hed a hole bunsh of oder cartonists round sins it wos part of his compony TopatoCo an thins like Dinosore Comocs and Welcum to Nite Vail an odor comics was dere. I was an aspiren kartonist as well an I alweys wondet to work fo PotatoCo so I appiled an wated till dey sortod mi application.

Meenwhele Marrissa speshul powered agan to Husseys home to meess more. Janet had begen tellin her kraize stories lick Post-SCrash Sesson 1 bu Hussey had to silense her lick de dum falmer troll rasist abelist dat he is cos OMG SPOLERS U MUST EXPEREENCE HOMETSUCK FO WHAT IT RELEY IS. Coars no on reeds Honosuck sins its too long an insted pepels reed Act 5 sins it has troles an wash Octopimp an infet Post SCrash Sesson 1 kame forom me reedin Act 6 foda firs time.

Marrissa got sick of everone talkin bout Homosucm an speshul powered bak to PotatoCo were I was alredey makin a hole bunsh of $$$$$$$ w/ ma Homstuk fanert. Course dis made Marrissa sick an she wos gonna do somethin dum lik empoly me in Baudelgarde Chewingum Industrie so I deceded to fite back an actshelly won sins her speshul powers decreese w/ age.

I asked Marrissa to kindle get da f*** outta heer so she did bu den I remebered… SHE LEFT JANET BEHEND! Sinc Janet wos dis kool person fro anoder univers an got way too mush shit fo becomon trickster an been pushed round I was gonna make her into an actshell hero dat can do somethin fo her worth so I walked bu it toom forever an bi the time I got to Hussey it wos olderey next day.

So dey had finoshed reedin Act 2 an I got Janet oot sinc shes not gonna lissen to any more lies. I told het dat its all kool an she can hang oot w/ me an we kan draw fo TopatoCo togethas bu then she said “Bu Cataloupe I actualley licked Homestuck an u shold hav licked it too” an bish slapped me so hard everthin went blapck.

* * *

_Post-scriptum addendum: Well done, critic. The management of Calliope’s Update Girl once again reminds you that critic hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance._


	6. On Hussie, the Cancer and a Whole Bunch of Other Stuff (plus a Q&A)

You may have noticed several references to “the cancer” and the main reason why the “B universe” of Calliope’s Update Girl is different from the B1/B2 universes of Homestuck. Here’s what is up with them.

* * *

As per the premise of Calliope and the Final Update/Calliope’s Update Girl, the Homestuck characters read Homestuck. While Calliope and the Final Update could have gotten away by introducing five OCs to read the Gigaupd8, the fact is when I wrote that story (in February 2014), I was already sick of all the OCs and “fan sessions of Sburb” that were going on, and even had posted a parody of them, [Sburb Fanventure Do’s and Don’ts](http://mspfanventures.com/?s=2916), in which I seem to explain how to create a fan Sburb session that doesn’t suck, but the more you read it, the more it becomes apparent that I just don’t care about OCs.

When I redesigned Calliope and the Final Update to Calliope’s Update Girl, I had specifically stated that the whole idea that the Homestuck characters read Homestuck was my favorite, and decided to keep it for the shared universe. Of course, since Calliope’s Update Girl depicts a [Like Reality Unless Noted](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/LikeRealityUnlessNoted) (warning: TV Tropes link) universe, Sburb doesn’t exist and therefore the Homestuck characters and the fandom live in harmony (sort of), and nothing needs to be resolved.

That is, until I introduced the trolls.

Since the trolls actually experienced most of the canon events of Act 5 (as cryptologicalMystic pointed out, “everything up to the Door to the Ultimate Reward is canon”), that means that the Calliope’s Update Girl Earth is the creation of the trolls. However, some restricting mechanism similar to Bec Noir must be introduced, because otherwise we would have an universe where the trolls are treated as gods from antiquity, and therefore nothing even remotely close to Homestuck can emerge as a pure work of fiction.

This is where “Sburb doesn’t exist” comes into play.

The main person who wouldn’t and doesn’t want Sburb to exist in the B universe is, obviously, Andrew Hussie. Now, in real life, Andrew Hussie makes several statements about how a to-the-T Sburb game is literally impossible (as it requires technology beyond that available in 2009, or 2017), while a roleplaying-based Sburb game is an easier task, but still close to impossible (as you have to simulate all the worldbuilding, alchemy, lands, classpects, overarching mythology, predictions of the future and so on and so forth). See this quote (from a backers-only update for what would become Hiveswap):

> “The game will not involve Sburb. It won’t be some crazy MMORPG involving kids playing Sburb and the insane number of things that would entail. For one thing, Sburb is a very broad and ambitious game concept which implies a project with a much bigger budget than the one this has. For another thing, that idea is not quite what an “[adventure game](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adventure_game)” is. And besides, in my view, a bunch of kids playing Sburb is what Homestuck is about. This game will be about something different.”

However, within the Calliope’s Update Girl universe, which has the Homestuck characters and therefore is expected to be Like _Homestuck_ Unless Noted, Sburb is expected to exist. This is furthermore indicated by the nature of Sburb, which is to create universes so that Sburb could be played, connecting them in a daisy chain. Interrupting this chain would require something particularly serious.

This is where the cancer comes in.

A known fact from Homestuck is that during the endgame of the trolls’ session, Karkat rushed the ectobiology process with their Genesis Frog, thus accidentally giving it cancer, which turned out to be Bec Noir. However, this fact cannot be imported into Calliope’s Update Girl, because - you guessed it - Sburb doesn’t exist. Therefore, it comes back to Hussie and why he doesn’t want Sburb to exist, and to the fact that Sburb is essentially the universe’s reproductive system, and therefore particularly vulnerable to cancer.

Thus, the whole idea arises that Hussie’s identity as a webcomic artist is simply a cover: Hussie _actually_ is a malevolent entity, having roughly the same powers as Bec Noir [1], who deliberately wants to prevent Sburb from existing, while maintaining illusion that it exists, and therefore creating Homestuck, in which Sburb is only a fictional thing.

<1> Of course, Hussie’s authorial powers also come into play in Calliope and the Final Update, which existed independently from all the cancer mythos. In that fic, I specifically gave Hussie powers so that it would be partially explained why the Homestuck characters exist in a Like Reality Unless Noted universe, as well as give a plot device with which Hussie can mess with the Homestuck characters and fandom alike (and then proceeded to give arbitrary limitations; e.g. Hussie can’t just speed up his thoughts, or else Homestuck would have been finished in a year as he [originally planned](http://andrewhussie.blogspot.com/2009/11/interrogative-remarks-followed-by.html)). In the Like Homestuck Unless Noted universe that is Calliope’s Update Girl, this explanation is no longer necessary, and therefore the authorial powers can be used for other purposes. This is, however, an original creation by me with no analogue in Homestuck. So there’s that. </1>

This, of course, brings back the problem of the trolls, and especially the Condesce, who has seen that the B universe is fruitless, and therefore holds Hussie responsible. However, when she thinks about it, she realizes that besides Hussie, another malevolent entity with lesser capabilities exists, and that another malevolent entity turns out to be ASBusinessMagnet himself [2]. This is less about the idea of preventing Sburb from existing and instead more about the idea of making certain people special due to their contributions: without Hussie, Homestuck wouldn’t exist, and without ASBM, Calliope’s Update Girl wouldn’t exist.

<2> You may have noticed that I freaked out about the fact that even after [coming out as a trans girl](http://istrige-namuose.tumblr.com/post/107946802953/tl-dr-coming-out-as-a-trans-girl-because-ive), I continued to refer to my self-insert as male, even in a scenario (let’s call it Like Reality Unless It’s Homestuck) where it wouldn’t make sense: I am essentially the same person in both real life and the Calliope’s Update Girl universe (with some differences, such as the real life having Calliope’s Update Girl and the Calliope’s Update Girl verse having Calliope on the Update Gravestone), and therefore, considering all logic, should have come out as a trans girl in that universe as well. However, this overlooks an even bigger issue, namely that I don’t really identify with my self-inserts, and therefore they can do things I would never do, like [turning into a Violet Beauregarde-esque blueberry,](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9657787/10/Violet-and-the-Horrible-Fanfic-Writer) or (from this very own fic) turning Crockertier. </2>

This also brings up the fact that ASBusinessMagnet tends to function a lot more like a real cancer. For those not up to date on modern diseases, the main aspect of cancer is that a part of the cell that tells it to cease reproduction is disabled, and therefore a cell reproduces without limits, thus compromising the entire organ where it happened. I considered this similar enough with some of my works, which are simply reproductions of Homestuck in various ways (including [my Lithuanian translation of Homestuck](http://homestuck.lt/) and - surprise - Calliope’s Update Girl - Book One, mirroring Homestuck Act 1), and therefore filled it in as the more direct idea of cancer, as opposed to Hussie, who is more of a guardian figure, protecting the universe from Sburb.

This, of course, itself becomes the impetus to ask several questions, which will eventually decide the direction that The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2) will take. These are the questions:

**Is Hussie actually able to produce a copy of Sburb, solely by using his powers?**

The answer to that is a definite “yes”. Hussie has the choice to produce Sburb, given that he is aware of the code that “originally” was at the Frog Temple, but simply chooses to produce Homestuck instead, thus damaging the universe’s reproductive system, as per the cancer discussed previously.  


**Will Sburb actually be produced/played in The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2)?**

Most likely not. We’ve seen direct evidence against that, most notably through the fact that the Prospit/Derse portals in the Frog Temple don’t work. (Of course, this could also be evidence that Hussie sabotaged them, somehow, but that is to be explored later.)

That is to say, I’m not entirely unprepared if the plot eventually resolves in such a way that Sburb _will_ be played, but I’m not revealing any of those plot details at the moment.  


**Would it be possible for the trolls to return to their Sgrub session (with them bringing the kids, Hussie and other characters)?**

Most likely not. As far as we’re interested, the troll universe/session is done for (as some version of Slick killing Snowman happened in the universe, and even if Bec Noir didn’t destroy all the troll planets, they are pretty much dormant, never to be woken up again), and while there is the possibility of the bases that WV/PM/AR/WQ used in 2422 appearing, that possibility is very slim.

**Wait, if Sburb will never be played, then how did the Frog Temple come to existence? Last I checked, a meteor from Sburb dropped it.**

Pertaining to the fact that Hussie can create Sburb, it is also within his capabilities to create a Frog Temple, complete with Sburb, or (as he chooses for it to be this way) Pesterchum, Complete Bullshit, FreshJamz!, the operating systems and browsers, etc.

**What about Lord English? He was created when the beta and alpha kids fought Caliborn.  
**

ShEnAnIgAnS. That is to say, all the components necessary for Lord English to be created (Lil’ Cal, Caliborn, Dave’s Bro/Dirk (via Auto-Responder), Equius, Gamzee, a Magic Cue Ball and the First Guardian codes) are there in the Calliope’s Update Girl universe, and an origin story similar to that of A6A6A5 could be conceived with only the resources that I have.  


**You never did explain why Calliope and Caliborn don’t share a body in this universe.**

From my perspective: it’s funnier that way, especially since Calliope and Caliborn can both comment on a particular Homestuck scene, as well as talk to each other, which would be either impossible or extremely difficult to achieve if one of them had to go asleep for the other one to wake up.  


From the plot’s perspective: you can think of it this way - in Homestuck, the B universe is split (into B1 and B2) while Calliope and Caliborn are a single being. In Calliope’s Update Girl, however, the B universe is a single thing, while Calliope and Caliborn are split.

**Wait, what on Earth happened to Caliborn’s Stories!Caliborn?**

Caliborn’s Stories is another idea that spawned while I was writing Calliope and the Final Update, and therefore could be considered a “sibling” of Calliope’s Update Girl. While they are different continuities and likely will never cross over, it’s still fun to explore that particular tangent.  


For a recap, we know that the Caliborn in my version of the Gigaupd8 is somehow continuous with Caliborn’s Stories Caliborn, since the latter refers to “the tally” (GREEN TORSOS. DEAD.) which could have only been thought of by the Caliborn in my version of the Gigaupd8. That version of Caliborn never faced Yaldabaoth (unlike the Caliborn we saw in the actual upd8s), and, for that matter, never was attacked by RetJohn. Instead, once he was done with Homestuck (in my versions of A6A6A4, A6A6A5 and A6A6A6, which we never saw and which therefore are up to speculation), he decided to tackle other human fiction, starting with [Charlie and the Chocolate Factory](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10085257/1/Caliborn-s-Stories-1-Charlie-and-the-Chocolate-Factory).

Though, as I said previously, this is a moot point: in my version of the Gigaupd8, Caliborn is as in Homestuck (used to share a body with Calliope, but predominated), while Calliope and the Final Update Caliborn and Calliope’s Update Girl Caliborn are more closely related (as they never shared a body with their Calliopes).

**Can’t you just tell what will happen in the future chapters of The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2) directly, without answering these questions that no one asked?**

First of all: no, that would ruin the suspense. Second, even I’m not quite aware of where the plot will take me, and I could never be; therefore, even if I make a prediction of where the plot will go, that very prediction will be discarded by me in the future. (This is different from the time when in The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2), I wrote about Crockertier ASBusinessMagnet without fully revealing how he came to be in Calliope’s Update Girl - Book One first; as that was already a fic that was written down, I could only take the plot in this direction and not any other. [3])

<3> Another comment that you might be making here: no, that does _not_ make it a spoiler. A spoiler would have been if I revealed Crockertier ASBusinessMagnet somewhere else before noting it down in fanfic; as a tie-in fanfic is still a fanfic that takes place in the same continuity that is very likely read by the same people as the original, anything in there does not constitute a spoiler. </3>  


**In that case, can’t you work on writing The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2), instead of writing this essay?**

It’s a very good question.

The answer, of course, is negative, since I can’t just produce more of the same content every day. Part of the reason why I appear to be so productive is because I divide my creativity between different projects, and therefore I never really get bored of a single project (or, if I do get bored, I tend to completely forget about the project until someone/something reminds me).

**How are any of these questions even related to Hussie and the cancer?**

Another very good question.

I tend to get side-tracked with such long projects, as per the boredom issue discussed earlier. Case in point: The Homestuck Character Support Group (Volume 2), as it stands, is actually fifth in a list of consecutive ideas that somehow arose from my idea on writing a Homestuck-based Charlie and the Chocolate Factory parody, which somehow turned into a large-scale commentary on the Homestuck fandom with barely any Charlie and the Chocolate Factory elements left over.

**How is Charlie and the Chocolate Factory relevant anyway?**

It was a movie I watched as a child. Turns out, making me sit in front of a screen for 2 hours while it outputs content is a bad idea.

**Speaking of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, since you like Violet Beauregarde, you must be an inflation fetishist, right?**

No, and I try my best to not associate myself with the inflation fetishists. Of course, I found this nearly impossible, since Violet is apparently their figurehead, which is why, even with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory fics, I moved on from writing fics focused on Violet to writing fics focused on the whole plot in general, such as [Wonka’s Paradise City](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11110892/1/Wonka-s-Paradise-City).

**Okay, that was way too many questions that went completely off-topic, can you stop this question marathon now?**

Was just intending to. This thing was already getting to more than 2.5 thousand words, which is far beyond most things I have written that still somehow constitute as a single, non-breakable text.  


**But my question is not in here!**

That’s why there is an askbox on the top of this blog. While in the introduction, I accidentally said to specify which _character_ you are asking for, implying that questions can be IC only, that was not the intention; OOC questions are accepted as well, as long as you make it clear that they’re OOC. This question marathon may be over, but I still accept questions and will answer them as long as I am comfortable with answering them (e.g. the inflation fetishist question would definitely be something I’m _not_ comfortable with answering).  


ASBusinessMagnet, we’re done here.  



	7. Since we’re not getting a 6/12 upd8

I decided to make it myself, Calliope and the Final Update-style.

* * *

> ACT 6 ACT 6 ACT 6

[Transcript: NOTHING.]

*THIS IS A PRERECORDED MESSAGE. TO KNOW OF CALIBORN’S WHEREABOUTS RIGHT NOW, CONSULT THE PREVIOUS ACT.*

AHEM. APPARENTLY THIS IS WHAT IT IS. SOMETHING TO LET ME RECORD STUFF IN ADVANCE. JUST SO I CAN PUT IT IN THE BACK BURNER. TO BE REALIZED AT A LATER POINT. IN CASE HOMOSUCK RUNS BEYOND ITS SUPPOSED SPAN.

ANYWAY. FOR THIS IDEA, I WANT TO DISCUSS SOMETHING KNOWN AS. “THE CONTENT LESS ACT.” WHICH IS LITERALLY NOTHING. NOT AN ACTUAL ACT. NOT AN ACTUAL INTERMISSION. JUST IDIOTS DOING STUFF. AND THEN.

> END OF ACT 6.

SINCE THERE IS NOTHING TO DISCUSS. I WILL LEAVE IT AT THAT.

PEACE OUT.

*END OF PRERECORDED MESSAGE.*

> [S] ACT 7 ==>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoo boy that was a disappointing A666; would take Collide, no matter how much of a clusterfuck it was, over this anytime - 2019 08 01


	8. Some major regrets

[calliopes-update-girl](http://calliopes-update-girl.tumblr.com/post/166425917813/calliopes-update-girl-if-were-casting-andrew):

> [calliopes-update-girl](http://calliopes-update-girl.tumblr.com/post/166411519548/if-were-casting-andrew-hussie-as-willy-wonka):
>
>> If we’re casting Andrew Hussie as Willy Wonka, then Charlie Bucket should be Cohen Edenfield. Not Calliope.
> 
> _but you had the idea for what would become Calliope’s Update Girl in 2014 before Cohen was even really a player and that means you couldn’t anticipate it so don’t berate yourself over it_
> 
> Yeah, but that’s, like, the whole problem with Calliope’s Update Girl. It was _meant_  to be set in a time when Homestuck is done and literally no other Homestuck-related project (except maybe Paradox Space, but that is just nice additional non-canon reading material for when you’re done with Homestuck) is going on, which would evoke a certain feeling of “welp the Homestuck fandom is dwindling but at least there are the Homestuck _characters_  so I can convert them to filthy Homestucks and enjoy _their_  company”
> 
> but events conspired to _actually_  make it a time when Homestuck is done but Hiveswap isn’t (and the Viz Media release of Homestuck, which should include the epilogue, isn’t even announced), which means it’s more of an intermediate period than the last breaths of a fandom, and even if the whole “get the Homestuck characters to read Homestuck” project fails, Hussie can still rest, knowing that Hiveswap will put them on the right track as soon as What Pumpkin releases Act 1.
> 
> That, and the central role Cohen has been getting as “the new creator of Homestuck” has made (and was meant to make) Hussie a secondary figure who can actually rest, knowing that his IP is being actively developed and maintained (which is sort of what he meant to do with Paradox Space too but failed), and that means I can no longer cast Hussie as the supreme god with authorial powers who is the sole reason Homestuck exists.
> 
> That, _and_ I think no one could anticipate the fame Toby Fox would be getting, like, a year after I started CUG, meaning that nowadays, there is an entire subclass of people who only know about Homestuck (and, to an extent, Hiveswap) because Toby Fox did the music for it, which is conspicuously missing from CUG itself.
> 
> TL;DR: the period of time between 2014 and 2017 has made the entire premise of Calliope’s Update Girl flawed and that’s why the fic hasn’t updated since we passed the “present day” of the fic.

_wait a minute if Hiveswap ended up being a dealbreaker since it had been announced as of 2014 when the fuck did you think it was going to release_

The short answer: I didn’t think Hiveswap was going to matter that much (and I was kind of right, at least from [the fandom perspective](http://istrige-namuose.tumblr.com/post/166703905738/idea-homestuck-and-hiveswap-have-two-different), but certainly _not_ from Hussie’s perspective).

For the longer answer, we need to take ourselves back to the time when I was considering all this, and to facilitate the immersion, I am going to stop saying “Hiveswap”, “Joey Claire” and “Tetrarch Dammek” and instead start saying “Homestuck Adventure Game”, “Flashlight Girl” and “Strideer”.

In 2012 and 2013, there was a lot of wild speculation about what HSAG could and could not be, and people expected it to either be a Sburb adventure or a throwback to all the Homestuck characters we knew and loved (otherwise, the advertising for it during the Kickstarter project would have been much different). Though, I personally also expected a game engine to come with it so people would be inclined to create their own adventures, kind of like the MSPA forums, but with obvious focus on Homestuck/Sburb.

Then the New Year 2014 update came and debunked all of those. These are direct quotes:

> You will not be able to design or customize characters. The game includes a hard wired cast of protagonists.
> 
> [The game will not involve Sburb. It won’t be some crazy MMORPG involving kids playing Sburb and the insane number of things that would entail. For one thing, Sburb is a very broad and ambitious game concept which implies a project with a much bigger budget than the one this has. For another thing, that idea is not quite what an “adventure game” is. And besides, in my view, a bunch of kids playing Sburb is what Homestuck is about. This game will be about something different.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19224247/chapters/45708763)
> 
> New characters. All major characters in the game have never appeared in Homestuck before.

(because “the main human characters’ father and babysitter” and “the current empress of Alternia, whom the heiress serves” somehow do not qualify the characters as being major)

This, thus, ended up being a huge dealbreaker to pretty much everyone who backed the Kickstarter project, and would have been one for me too, if only [this picture](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/File:7AV53mT.jpg) wasn’t released alongside it, which would make me fall in love with Flashlight Girl. Thus, I wrote [Bright yet Dark](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9982857/1/Bright-yet-Dark), and then thoroughly enjoyed myself being hilariously wrong.

A month after starting Bright yet Dark, I started Calliope and the Final Update. There were actually two distinct ways I envisioned the plot of Final Update going (which are actually part of the “five ideas” BS I mentioned in the post I just linked to with that huge quote, that I will elaborate on in another post). The first one that I intended to write for is the characters being eliminated à la Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, concluding with Calliope being proclaimed the winner, but then I wrote this:

> **Caliborn:** SPEAKING OF HOMOSuCK. IS IT A TEST? TO SEE. WHO IS THE FIRST. TO BE DRIVEN TO THE OCEAN. BECAuSE THEY COuLDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  
>  **Hussie:** No. Why would I want to drive anyone out to the ocean? They wouldn’t survive to recall the update.

Which meant that this idea was scratched, and the second idea was for me to just write out the entirety of the Gigaupd8 (which also didn’t happen for obvious reasons).

What did happen, though, is me planning out the end of Final Update, in which, at the end of Homestuck, there would be a menu linking to the other MSPAs, as well as HSAG, which, for the sake of the argument, I decided to nickname “Spacebound”. Then, happy that the Homestuck characters will buy Spacebound, Hussie lets them back to their houses with his authorial powers, Calliope and Caliborn witness the Statue of Liberty being rebuilt, Hussie returns to where his house used to be and hooks it up with electricity/tap water again, drops the Gigaupd8 on 10/25 and the fic ends.

At any rate, Hussie continued his announcements, progressively evolving HSAG, revealing Strideer and then, as Calliope’s Update Girl was already in motion, the names “Hiveswap” and “Joey”. While this put an end to my absurd headcanons about “Spacebound” and “Kate”, it did not put an end to Update Girl, which simply continued to evolve on the assumption that Hiveswap and Homestuck will be released at similar dates, and therefore both will be done by the time of Update Girl, and that Hiveswap, being based on yet having nothing in common with Homestuck, would be of virtually no interest to either the fandom or Homestuck characters, who want to learn about themselves and not about whoever Joey or Dammek are.

However, the two things I definitely did _not_ anticipate are a) the rise of Undertale, which kind of put Toby Fox as a figure more prominent than Hussie and the only reason to buy Hiveswap “omg Toby did the music” and b) the fact that Hiveswap would end up on Steam and be picked up by Let’s Players such as Jacksepticeye, and therefore be accessible to a mainstream audience.

Nevertheless, the ideas of Hiveswap continued to shape the Update Girl universe. Most notably, once I did the math and realized that Joey should be around the same age as Hussie, I ended up featuring her in Update Girl as a weird extension to the webcomic artists who usually hang out with Hussie.

Unfortunately, as mentioned above, other problems (such as the general expansion of the Homestuck universe beyond just the webcomic and Hiveswap) put an end to the Update Girl universe before Hiveswap could.


End file.
